A Good Friday

What can I say on a day like today? What can I add to what my God did for me a long time ago - for the sake of my soul - for the sake of my freedom? In all honesty, I do not even feel worthy to make a statement on Good Friday. There is nothing in me that has an opinion. Jesus dying on a cross is so mind boggling, that reflections on this day seem more futile each year. The closer I interface with my depravity, the more broken I feel. The further I walk in darkness, the more I seem to decrease. There is a dark cloud that seems to hover over me, and western psychology would deem it as depression. They would diagnose an inbalance between my work-life balance, or a need to take a break or vacation. As laughable as their attempts at figuring out supernatural darkness, sometimes we will believe anything to get out of our misery. Just when human solutions start to comfort me, the man who became nothing so I could become everything speaks to me. He speaks to me from 2 Corinthians 4:6-18 ---

For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you......verses 16-18: Therefore we do not lose heart. Through outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

When we are in darkness and despair, we do not have to choose into human medications. We do not have to go on vacation. We do not have to "take a load off." We simply have to wait for the One who can lift us up from the very depths of loneliness, emptiness, and void. We always carry around His death in our mortal bodies. We must learn to live in this tension. We do not have to stay here out of moral obligation. However, when we go through the dark night, we can fully fix our eyes on a Savior. Unbelievable. It is unbelievable that we don't have to earn anything. When something goes through the cross, you automatically lose all ownership over the thing. When my music goes through the cross, I no longer own the masters or the content. When my heart goes through the cross, I no longer decide what is best for me. When my lack of love goes through the cross, I no longer have to count on human beings to love me unconditionally. I now become a slave - but a slave of a different sort.

When I think of death, I cannot help but to think of this woman below (here with my brother with his curls:-))Also because it was her birthday last week. I need to get more recent pics on this computer, but the ones from Sri Lanka are all I have for now.

Here she is again before she got married with her sister and my 2 cousins. My mom is on the right, wearing a questionable dress - this is when she was love sick according to my aunty, galavanting secretly with my dad on the bus to law school. You can tell too by her devious expression :-)

Yes, the most beautiful woman who existed. Just like your mothers are the most beautiful women that existed to you. When you know your mother lives in eternity, you tend to interact a bit differently with the temporary. Death has lost its sting. Death will never be the last stop. On this Friday, a man died on a cross - this man could've been nuts. He could've been a lunatic. He could've also been God. He loves you. See you on Easter. Peace, and much love to you. John Baptist.


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