My Useless Calculator

In grade school, taking out a calculator during an exam would be ludicrous.  It is considered cheating. The bad kids would try and hide their calculator somewhere, and anxiously press away on their tiny fingers, desperately covering up their lack of preparation.  I was occasionally jealous of their freedom.

When you are young, a calculator contains the answers to all the questions.  It is a shortcut, and an instantaneous replacement to your own brain.  It is limitless in its capacity.  It holds your answers, and you simply use it.  Then you get older - the playing field changes.  In Calculus, you are allowed to use your Calculator on all exams.  Some exams are even open book!  How simple this must be!  As we all know, the honor of holding your fancy calculator diminishes triple-fold.  What was once a holy-grail, becomes a useless technical advancement that could hardly spit out an answer if your life depended on it.  The calculator is now a tool - not a lifeline.  The calculator's use depends on you.  You become the brain, the master, and the statistician.  The calculator becomes your never-changing and static companion.  It is as useful as you make it.  It is as beautiful as your see it.

It is shocking when your default tools and strengths do not hold the same weight as before.  It is a bleak turn of events when your "method to your madness" loses its logic, its flare, and its potency.  Have you found yourself grasping for a knowledge that you knew before, only to come up bankrupt?  Have you looked to your toolkit, only to find a dull blade and a broken ruler?  This is our plight.  We are fixated on outcomes and calculations that used to get us quite far.  It used to be our compass - a consistent and predictable barometer for success.  We used to be able to effortlessly go about our day, knowing that our level of input will dictate our pleasant output.

But the ones of great light and destiny are not allowed to rely on computations, theorems, and well-proved findings.  The chosen ones are never a product of human algorithms.  They know that the thing they are to accomplish cannot be manipulated or coerced.  The Divine is not a faithful co-pilot. He is not a helper in the way that we generally define help.  He is not the Gatorade or the extra energy boost that you need to reach your destination.  He is not even your primary author.

He is not merely "in control." He in fact, is the plane itself.  He is the sky.  He is the galaxy in which your stars must align.  

The Divine is the all-consuming fire who is not interested in being your chief of staff.  In the Divine, you learn to work miracles.  Being hidden in the Divine gives you the substance to become the Calculator itself.  In a world full of A+B=C, I am on the lookout for A+B equaling far more than I could have ever imagined.  If you have come to the end of your computations, then you have arrived at the greatest adventure of your life.  If you have flat-lined in all your reasoning, mental prowess, and lifelong musings, then you are on the verge of Dreaming In Color.  If you feel like everything you once knew no longer counts for very much, then you are now becoming the person you were always meant to be.

If all our computations were so useful, then why is the most pressed button on the Calculator the "C" button - the one that clears, and brings us back to 0.  Peace, and much love to you - Jeevo.


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