The Unspoken Truths About Weddings

This is my first written message as a married man :-) Marriage is amazing - only when you are married to the right person. Any other situation is a disaster. If you get married to the wrong person, you will experience disaster - nothing outside of redemption - but a disaster nonetheless - this is free wisdom from a person married for less than a month! Pastor Michael Koh said it best while marrying us: "Welcome to the greatest human impossibility." Within the greatness of a union, can you really see the nuances of the actual miracle. The greatness of something enables you to see what could happen if it was human, and not divine. Going through a wedding is a whirlwind of emotions, love, desire, friendship, commitment, and restoration. In some ways it is true - planning a wedding is a unique vantage point of how you will relate with your spouse and the rest of the world (ie. family, friends, etc.).

I wanted to write this down while it is fresh in my mind, for those who will be having weddings in the near future. This is for the singles going on marriage - and even for people who are married that were too caught up in their weddings to learn from them!

1) Weddings are 1 day. Even if you are North Indian. You are planning for 1 day. In the attention to detail, always remember - it's 1 day. Be excellent people, not excellent event planners. One of my new family members who would hate if I mentioned her name said it best - "You know when people are overcompensating for something when they become different people for their wedding day." I couldn't agree more. Weddings are an extension of who you are, not who you think you are or who you want others to see you as.

2) Be good stewards of your money. If you have money, spend it. If you don't, don't spend it. Hard to believe isn't it? "You can't buy class." - Jay-Z.

3) Do your best to prepare. After that, leave it alone. Do not micromanage things. Allow God to micromanage you. You will experience freedom on a whole different level that can help you and your spouse make decisions for the rest of your life.

4) Not everything will go perfectly - that's what makes it perfect. Perfect weddings mean there was no heart in it. And hearts are imperfect. So if you have love, truth, and soul in your wedding, you will have tons of imperfections. This is beautiful and to be applauded. If your wedding was perfect, then you did a horrible job.

5) Weddings are about the couple. But for some reason alot of things are about the families. Who knows what is right or wrong when it comes to how much families should be involved? My suggestion is to keep the essentials between the couple, and allow the families to do the rest :-) - don't get mad at me for saying that.

6) Weddings bring out the ugliest sides of human nature. The main ugly side is comparison. People will come to your wedding and take mental checklists. They will compare things to their weddings, their future wedding, etc. They will want to one-up you. They will even talk about things that were not that great to try and diminish the divinity of your wedding. This is normal and something my trusted inner circle warned me of before the entire process. You may have been someone who did this at our wedding - you are more than forgiven :-) Just don't do it again because it will eat at you and never at the one you are comparing yourself to.

7) People refer to weddings as "your big day." Truthfully, it's not your big day. Your day belongs to God. You would've never found the right person if not for God. So it's easier if you know the day is not about you. It's not about the Bride. It's not about the Groom. It's not about wedding cake and beautiful music. The day belongs to God. I don't care if you are Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, Hindu, or Satanic. The day belongs to God in every sense. It's not a day to reflect on all your accomplishments or milestones. It's really a day to reflect on God's love for you - that's pretty much it.

8) Drink alot of water throughout the course of the day.

9) Don't expect everyone to come say hi. I'm not sure what possesses people to come to your wedding and not say hi, but it happens! And if this was you, you are also forgiven - but don't do that again. I'm just keeping it real - no offense to any of you! Last but not Least

10) Encouragement is a Spirit. It's not words, flattery, smiles, or service. Making people feel encouraged is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. If you are down in the dumps, all the pleasantries, smiles, and flattering statements won't do anything for the couple. Encouraging people means not thinking about yourself. If you want to be an encourager, you have to allow God to take control of your life so you don't relate to people just based on how you are feeling. It is important for people to be encouraging to a couple that is getting married. For those attending a wedding, you have the potential to breathe life into the couple, or just be someone who took up space at a table. Choose which one you want to be. For the couple getting married - Being encouraged is a choice and takes deep humility. You must not expect things to go your way or people to say the right things. You must be freed up to be humble, even on your "big day." You must receive what is given, and graciously love everyone. Since it's not your "big day" (see #7), this shouldn't be too hard when the day comes! May God grant us the ability to be lovers of Him, and lovers of People. Thank you for everyone who was a part of our wedding and homecoming - in big, small, or invisible ways. Lydia and I are beyond blessed. Peace, and much love to you! - Jeevo