A Sign and A Wonder

It is taboo to want to be great.  Anyone who voices their desire to be above average is looked upon as an ego-maniac - arrogant - not humble - ungrateful - dissatisfied.  These people are the outcasts.  They are the target of deep judgement.  Children are said to be innocent enough to inherit the kingdom of God.  They are pure of heart.  If you ask a child what they want to be when they grow up, they tell you outrageous things.  They want to cure cancer, they want to feed everyone who is hungry, they want to travel to space, they want to play in the NBA, they want Grammy awards, and they also want to be doctors & lawyers.  They want BIG things - but when they get older, wanting BIG things is not cute anymore. It does not bode well with mature people, because mature people decide what is appropriate. 

Mature people are the ones that control society.  They tell you what is appropriate, how much you should make, what to say in public, who to value, why well-educated people are better than everyone else, what makes money, and what your boundaries and limitations are.  Mature people tell us what type of people we can judge, how to control minority populations, how to water down anything prophetic, and what to say to destroy your Spirit.  This is our maturity.  We come into the world pure - innocent as a dove - wide-eyed as a child who wants to explore - open to adventure and love - able to put aside inhibition for the precious.  Then, in order to mature, we have to become grown - sober in everything, calm and emotionless, practical and melancholy, routine and responsible.

When did you last mature?  When did you first identify what you could not do?  When did your fire last turn into a frozen lake?

Little things can make the largest impact.  When the first person tells you that you cannot do something, you pretend that you didn't hear it - but you heard it well.  Not only did you hear it, but you enabled it to reverberate in your core.  Then your parents begin their human parenting.  They worry for you.  Then your close friends worry for you.  Then you worry for yourself.  Our communities play the largest factor in our fear - in our "maturity."  They mature us by making us like them. 

People hate the outliers - the ones that break the rules - the ones that take risks - because it makes them take a deep look at themselves and wonder if they have it in them to do the same.  When you hear someone who is arrogantly passionate about something, you direct your anger at them.  But you are not mad at them - you are mad because you wish you could be half as passionate about anything.

Sometimes we get confused with God's portion in our lives.  We know we have a trajectory - a calling - something special that we were commissioned to do since birth.  We were formed by a Maker who draws us into deep intimacy with Him.  These callings so to speak are a part of our intimacy with Him - our love - our deep learning of The Alpha and Omega.  We know God has purpose for us - but we mature too quickly to understand its depths.  This is why we are so easily satisfied.  Because how dare we want more?  How dare we get more than we deserve?

People who don't ask for more are the most entitled people - not the reverse.  They are so entitled because by not asking for more, they prove they believe they earned or worked for what they do have.  If you think asking for more is too much, then you believe you deserved what you do have - and this is incredibly entitled.  You say you are satisfied with God's portion in your life, but really - you are satisfied with that you think you earned. 

What little you have was never by your own merit in the first place.  But you think it is.  That is why you are not freed up to ask for more.  When you give a child ice cream, he/she asks for more.  A child does not care whether you gave them the dessert in the first place.  They know what's good - so they ask for more.  When you play hide and seek with a child, they never want to stop playing.  They don't have time limitations - they want more - they keep going.  They know what is precious and they have no boundaries.  And as parents, you give.  You keep giving.  It is your joy.  Of course with loving restriction.

I want to be a sign and a wonder.  And I am wondering if anyone else wants something similar.  I want to be an artist who is living proof that God loves people.  I want to be used like a lemon - squeezed until everything in me has been used up.  I want to be useless when I leave earth - where I have no more reason to exist.  I want my life to be categorized by "fine lines."  I want to walk every fine line there is - where if you look at it through another lens, you would see the opposite of what is really going on.  Like if you hear me talk, half of you will think I'm crazy/irrelevant, and the other half would feel so loved.  Like when you hear my music, half of you will hate it, and the other half would love it.  Like if you are my friend, half of you will quit, and the other half will be my loyal inner circle.  Like if you are my job, half of you will hate me, but the other half will know I'm the only one who can do it.  I want to stop maturing.  Who will ask for more cake with me?

A sign and a wonder.  For you to become greater signs and wonders.  Peace, and much love to you - Jeevo.