Slow down - Mandated Breaks / Brakes

Just when you build up to 200mph - just when the wind finally picks speed and you are well on your way to the destination, there can be an unexpected break in your journey. I call this a mandated break / brake. These breaks come in many different forms. For people who do not take breaks, this can come in the form of physical sickness.

The funny thing about being sick is that it literally paralyzes you from doing simple things. Writing an e-mail takes effort that you just don't have in you. Walking from your bed to the bathroom becomes an event. I'm talking sick, I'm not talking having a cold. For those of you that cannot stand being useless, being sick is the most frightening and mind-wrenching moments of your life. You see your humanity firsthand. You have to be on the sidelines watching everyone else perform in top shape, while you look like a useless mutation on the couch. You have to watch others play basketball, while you are sidelined (yes, this happened this morning!). You see you are nothing without your health. You see why it is so important to care for your health - without your health, you cannot be effective in this world. You cannot give of yourself to others. You cannot be 100% in the moment.

I am always reminded of the wonder of the human body - how we are able to magically have all components working together in one accord to function on a day to day basis. I am reminded that it takes more faith not to believe in God than it does to believe in God at times like these.

What is the point of being sick? What is the point of slowing down?

These are questions I stare at the ceiling with as I lie in bed, pleading with God to stop this nonsense so I can get on with my work. The more I plead, the less He budges. The more I complain, the more He keeps His cool :-) God's cool is a whole different ballgame. I realize that this purposeful slowing down is a result of relying on my own strength. We say this all the time, and blame ourselves for not using God's strength. But when you are physically sanctioned in a world full of illness, you very literally feel the dwindling of your own strength. There is something very unique in interacting with your fragile body, and often times fragile soul. As I medicate myself, as I drink tea like it was air, and as I stay motionless, I am forced to deal with my tiny self - my unimpressive self - my replaceable self.

As I am still lost in dark sickness, there is a seed that keeps reminding me that a break in the journey comes at the right time. A slowing down means an acceleration like no other. It is perfectly fine to not be on the world's schedule - it is perfectly fine to be on a supernatural timing - and as I preach myself out of this mandated break - I can look forward to a full speed ahead - I look forward to seeing your slowing downs, for a fuller ending. Peace, and much love to you - John Baptist!


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