What's better than the best?

In our heads we think we know what is best for us. We have spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental metrics that we think we have to follow. "When I grow up, I want to be a doctor." - This is what every 5th grader says. Society told them that being a doctor is the best profession to be.

"When I grow up, I want to marry a man that looks like Prince Charming." - This is what the fairy tale told the little girl. Whatever the case may be, we decide what the best situation is for us based on our information gathering. This is not to discredit our gathering. There is alot of good in this. We go to the car dealership and we want the best car on the lot. We play the dating game and we want the best partner in the dating pool. We look for houses and we want the best on the block. We go out to eat and we want the best thing on the menu.

I commend our desire for the best, but I strongly question the way we derive what is actually best. I used to think that most people "settle." While this may be true, I think the real problem is that most people don't know how to recognize what is best. In their estimation, something mediocre is actually what they deem best. I've decided to address marriage in this post - because I find that everyone around me is talking about this - so I might as well address it :-)

The best way to get married is to not look for it. Disagree and frown all you want, but I'm more right than your brightest thought in this matter. Do you know why I'm right? Most marriages are a waste of time in our generation - and most of these marriages happened b/c 2 people were really needy and went looking for someone. May I suggest that you are devaluing the person that is meant to be with you if you go "looking for them."

They are being devalued because someone that special is not a function of your ability to find them. The most precious things are not found - they are given. When I die, write that in my book of quotes - that is better than my song lyrics. Yes, the most precious things are given - You didn't do anything to deserve it. Do you deserve food? - no - There are people that don't have it. Do you deserve your house? - certainly not - Who gave you the right to own a part of the world that is not yours? How about the people you love - did you earn them? How about your children? - you were given those precious beings - why is a husband or wife any different?

This is why I hate all these dating services. They make money off our broken desires. In no way am I suggesting living life with no activity, and just telling the universe to hand things to us. However, I am advocating a simple trust that your partner is handed to you - given to you - as if you are the luckiest human being in the world. Do you want to be in a marriage where you feel like the luckiest person in the world everytime you wake up? Good - then stop looking.

I don't know about you guys - But if I was "getting married," I wouldn't want to be an option to the person I get married to. I refuse to be the last pit stop on a person's hunt for companionship. I am not what is left after a long, mediocre search for "Mr. Right." Neither are you friends. You are not the best option - you are the only option. You were made for the person you will be with. So don't fix yourself up to be "better than." You are the best. You are the only one - and if the other person doesn't like it, tell em' one thing - Peace, and much love to you :-) - John Baptist!


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