A Secret Companion

Many people are called to seasons of singleness. This means you are not actively looking for romance. You are not looking for a spouse or significant other. It is good to be single. In fact, it is part of your destiny to be single. When you are single, you don't have to listen to anyone. You don't have to answer to someone else's agenda. You don't have to keep someone else in mind. You have the honor of finding your calling, being adventurous, wrecklessly fulfilling your heart's deepest desires. Being single is the most important thing you can do for yourself, next to one day meeting the person of your dreams. Being single helps you to become married. Who wants to be with someone that needs to be married? That is terrible. Woe to you if you are with someone that used you to fill in their void of loneliness.

Single people are very emo. They are so whiny. They are agitated. Singles allow everyone of the opposite gender that comes into their life into the "potential" category. This is disgusting. Singles can also be overly anxious about their "biological clock" or their windows of opportunity. There is nothing worse than a bad and whiny single person - oh yeah there is - a bad and whiny married person.

Today, I wish to address one aspect of being single. It is my opinion. But my opinions are generally well thought out - whether right or wrong. Shall we have a go? Let's go (or as Chris Brown says: "Legooo")

Single people today don't seem to be quite single. Sure, they aren't married. Sure, they may not have boyfriends or girlfriends. Sure, they aren't dating per se. But when we see things for what they are, outside of societal definitions of what "singleness" means, they are not single. These single people have secret companions. Single people are always texting someone. Usually they are members of the opposite gender that are friends. These friends provide some sort of pseudo-relationship for them, with no committment. Even if there is no physical interaction, having someone of the opposite gender that will listen seems to suffice. It satisfies that space that a boyfriend/girlfriend would fill. So are they really single?

Sometimes, their companion can be dating the comfort that many people like them, or are enamored by them. They take so much solace in the idea that they could be dating someone. So they form a companion out of this - the fact that many people like them is their secret companion. Many people go years and years like this - seemingly single to the world, but actually very much taken on the inside. Taken by the many suitors and admirers they have at a distance, and using it to fill in their personal battles with loneliness or not having that special someone in their life.

A secret companion can also be your job. When you are single, you can bury yourself in your work - this is not always bad - but it can become toxic when you are trying to fill your soul up with work - or your calling. I guess everyone is married to something. Some of us can be married to our calling, or our vocation.

It seems impossible to be single, and do it well. In some ways it may be impossible - those who are wired to get married (probably 99% of you reading this) have a married-shaped heart. That means you are being prepared for marriage. You are being groomed for interdependence. This is a magical thing. Don't forsake the magic by having secret companions. Don't rest on having pseudo-relationships. Don't diminish the worth of your future partner by cheapening the process before you find them. Don't find solace in mediocre companions - whether people, places, jobs, ideas, or false gods. There is no shortcut to get around loneliness. You have to look at in the face, and trust that God will fill you up with His absolute presence. If you don't believe in God, then this entire post is rubbish to you. This entire post can only be true, if a God has your best interest in mind - if He has chosen someone out there in this dark planet, to walk this intricate journey with you.

In the end, it's you and Him - and when He chooses, it's you, Him, and the person of your dreams. Walk boldly. No secrets - unless it's track 10 on "Endangered Species." Peace, and much love to you :-)


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